Paragraph Five

I have been home for the same amount of time I lived in The City.

I worked for one company in NYC, lived in one apartment, with just one roommate, had only one phone the entire time, slept in the same bed and took the same train to work everyday. Since coming back to Texas I have had three jobs, I now live in my second residence, I traded two familial roommates for one romantic one (and a dog) I have bought, lost and re-purchased an iPhone, slept in two different beds (neither of which have belonged to me) and taken a multitude of paths to and from work.

Life is slower here, though somehow more varied. Calmer here, yet disturbingly stressful at times. I do not love this city, I do not even claim my town to be a city but it is rare that I hate this place. In many ways I have fallen back to who I was before the move, in more ways I have continued to grow. I am happy in my little apartment, with my little dog and my temp job. I am comfortable surrounded by familiar streets and friends I have held onto from childhood. I have no problems going to the same 'ol bar with the same 'ol people on the weekends, but. But, I miss the disparity of the city. That desperate need to find your place in the crowd. I miss that sense of urgency that comes with every transfer on the subway, the fear on the first of the month (ok I don't miss the rent so much), the intensity of actually running into someone you know by chance on the street. I miss the parks and the museums, the strangers and the food.

I don't miss the financial disaster that was my life in the east. I definately don't miss the lack of space and closets of my apartment on the upper west side, I certanly do not miss the bums always asking for change and cigarretts (though they did have a kind of charm). I do miss the city though, and sometimes I even miss my life there when I forget that this one is so much easier. Manhattan was a raw emotion, an hormonal rage, a heart attack and foot pain. Texas is slow paces and good friends, lazy sundays, tacos and stability. I love and hate them both. And no matter which one I reside in I wish it were the other. Like a pre-teen I miss the drama, as an adult I am greatfull for the comforts of home.

"For all the things I know, there are even more I don't."